Men's Health

Walking tall
Keeping in shape, eating well and seeing your doctor will keep you spry in the bedroom, and your spouse happy. By Ivan Olegario, M.D.

It took a month of planning to make sure tonight is absolutely perfect. Dinner by candlelight. Marvin Gaye on the stereo. A splash of Ralph Lauren. You gaze at yourself in the mirror. Not bad for someone over 40.

As the door opens, you see her. She's as beautiful as when you first met. The lines on your forehead smoothen and she smiles. After a sumptuous dinner, you carry her to bed and kiss with juvenile passion. The next few minutes are going to be great.

But nothing happens. Junior fails to heed the call of the wild, and the look of disappointment on your face is matched only by that of your wife's.

TROUBLE IN THE BEDROOM
Sexual dysfunction, or difficulty in having satisfying sexual relations with a partner, is cast in such darkness that it isn't even discussed in the security of a couple's bedroom. This embarrassment forces many men to avoid sex altogether.

Men suffer from different kinds of sexual problems. Premature ejaculation (PE) is when a man comes sooner than expected. Loss of libido is the decrease or absence of the desire for sex. And erectile dysfunction (ED) is when a man fails to start or sustain an erection, even with normal sexual desire.

PE, more common in younger men, results from inexperience and anxiety. Stress, performance anxiety, and fear of getting a woman pregnant or getting caught can cause panic during sex. This could cause early ejaculation as well. Anxiety also blocks a man's consciousness of impending release.

"Male menopause" is just one of the reasons for loss of libido. Fatigue, depression and hidden anger and resentment towards their partners play major roles, especially in younger men.

If PE and loss of libido are caused by psychological problems, this isn't the case with ED. According to Dr. Joel Aldana, a urologist and clinical associate professor at the Philippine General Hospital, and consultant at St. Luke's Medical Center, 85 percent of ED problems are caused by disease or are a side effect of medications. Though ED is more common in older men, Aldana emphasizes that ED is not an inevitable part of aging and can still be treated. Healthy young men can also have ED, he says.

ED DOES NOT MEAN EARLY DEATH
Peter (not his real name) is one of those unfortunate guys. At 28, Peter is a yuppie on top of his game, climbing the corporate ladder at warp speed. After a long week of reports and deadlines, he was looking forward to a weekend of sweet, relaxing bedroom action.

To his surprise, Peter Jr. was also having a weekend break! "I feared I'd never be able to enjoy sex again--I'm too young!" Peter remembers thinking. "I found myself rushing to the doctor the very next day. But after my checkup, he reassured me that the problem was temporary. That really calmed my nerves, and the relaxation itself helped a lot."

He had to change his lifestyle though. He drank less alcohol. To relax and improve his circulation, he started working out. Even his perceptions towards sex changed. "Even with sex, I was 'performing.' Now the intimacy of sex is as important as the pleasure."

FROM BAD TO WORSE
Sexual problems can bruise the ego, and when this happens, fear and anxiety can take over. I am a failure as a man, a husband and a lover. Will she leave me if I don't satisfy her needs?

These sentiments can easily spill over to work and other activities.

To avoid embarrassment or to help forget, a man may avoid having sex with his partner. As a result, his partner may feel unattractive and unloved, or blame herself for the problem. She may think that the lack of affections is because he is having an affair. Or bitterness could develop from his failure to meet her sexual needs. To make matters worse, one or the other could seek sexual fulfillment elsewhere. The result? The relationship is in big trouble.

If you have sexual problems, do something about it before things get out of hand.

LIVE HEALTHY
Aldana encourages a healthy lifestyle to prevent sexual dysfunction and improve performance.

"Diabetes and hypertension are the most notorious diseases that cause sexual dysfunction," he says. "Exercise and proper diet will prevent these diseases. Too much smoking can cause ED and excessive alcohol can dampen sensations during sex."

Exercise also relieves stress and lifts depression and anxiety. Plus, remember that a healthier, stronger, more attractive body will make you more desirable to your lady.

VISIT A DOCTOR
If your problem is caused by a medical illness, sexual function usually improves as these diseases improve with proper treatment by a physician.

Medications for illnesses like high blood pressure, allergies, insomnia and peptic ulcer may also cause sexual problems. Your doctor will tell you if you have to change medication and how you must take them.

New, effective treatment options are already available to treat PE and ED. Most drugs for sexual dysfunction, however, require a doctor's prescription because they may be dangerous when taken incorrectly.

ENJOY LIFE APART FROM SEX
Can a lack of sex mean a lack of love? Your relationship is not measured by the frequency or intensity of sex. Learn to enjoy your partnership outside the context of sex. The old adage of spending time together still holds true. Go out on dates, even after years of marital familiarity.

And whenever you are intimate, you don't need to finish off with intercourse. Enjoy the closeness and excitement of kissing, cuddling and petting. After all, that's how it all started. Right?

TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
Sexual dysfunction affects two people: you and your partner. Couples often solve problems together; this is no different. In fact, misunderstanding is the start of the breakdown of the couple's relationship, not sexual dissatisfaction. Only through communication can the emotional wounds be healed and the relationship strengthened.

So if you are having problems performing in bed, don't hide under the sheets. Face it. And face it together. As Aldana puts it, "Having a healthy sexual relationship is not just for the sake of having sex. It will improve your overall relationship in the long run."