Voice of reason
Karylle sings a new tune-—one of self-reconciliation and faith. By Mitizi Duque-Ruiz

Karylle is on an odyssey. A spiritual one. "If you asked me about my family situation and my spirituality before, I would have secretly hated you," says the 24-year-old singer-actress. "I had issues I couldn't even explain to or open up about with friends, much less handle myself. Spirituality was something I couldn't deal with."

But this was three years ago, before Karylle experienced a series of life-changing events.

Moved by spirit
Karylle wasn't a complete stranger to faith or spirituality. "Between my first and my last albums, I recorded some spiritual music. But it wasn't until Tita Bella Tan, the late head of Universal Records, got cancer that I really got into spiritual healing, " she says.

"During a hospital visit, I was introduced to Maribi Mapa-Garcia of Bethesda Healing Ministry, a Catholic group that specializes in healing of cancer patients and the family tree. Tita Maribi is now my spiritual adviser. I went to the same high school with her daughter, who was already praying for me then even if I didn't know about it. So, Tita Maribi knew a little bit about me."

At the Healing Ministry, Karylle was taught that it is vital to heal the wounds suffered in childhood, to disassociate from them. This way, a person can leave them behind and avoid passing them on to children and grandchildren. "At first I found it weird, but later it made sense," says Karylle. "Tita Maribi was very good at explaining, and the results were amazing."

But the transformation didn't happen overnight.

"At first, the members of the ministry invited me to sing at their masses, where they would pray with me and over me. I went along because they were nice people and I would see them at Tong Yang along Jupiter Street, a restaurant I particularly like. But it took time before I really got into the healing process. I tagged along unaware of how much I needed it, but knowing that somehow something was missing in my life."

Karylle began opening up at one-on-one praying sessions with Maribi. "These sessions were like personal retreats," she says. "After, we would pray for healing in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I prayed for my relationship with my mom, Zsazsa Padilla, to blossom, for the fortitude and patience to deal with my parents' annulment, which at that time was still very public. Even if my parents had been separated for a long time, the whole concept of an annulment affected me--you know, if the marriage never existed, what am I?"

The results of prayer were tangible. "I wanted to work on my relationship with my mom and my sisters, and I wrote the song, 'Coz I Love You' for my mom after one of the healing sessions. It is part of the new album, 'You Make Me Sing'. It wasn't that our relationships were strained, but I didn't grow up with her and things were different. Although we had a good relationship, there was always room for improvement."

While Karylle's relationship with her mother is atypical--it isn't the every day mother-daughter kind--it is now more open and much more comfortable. "It's multifaceted: my mom is a friend who shares secrets, a sister who shops with me and gives me clothes, and a mommy because she shares her wisdom. She doesn't impose, and it's nothing hard-sell. She tells me about life, reality."

Family ties, as a result, are stronger. Much stronger. For instance, one summer Karylle joined her mom and half-sisters, Nicole and Zia, at Amanpulo. "It was a perfect trip--the place was like paradise, and we really had so much fun. Soon we started going on more trips. A year after, we went to Hong Kong, then it became a yearly bonding thing."

Fresh new music
"Ever since I was 4, I was into ballet and never really got into singing because my mom was a singer and I wanted to do my own thing," says Karylle. "It wasn't until I was in high school that I started singing. I never made it to the choir but I was invited to sing at debuts and at school masses. My dad thought it would be a good idea to consider doing it professionally." It was only after making the cast of the local theatrical version of "The Little Mermaid" that she took formal voice training.

Karylle's new spirituality has given her a new perspective on show business and the celebrity and notoriety that come with it. "This is something we really prayed about. I used to believe that in this business, you are either a hit with a faltering personal life or the other way around. I wanted to have a fruitful life, so while I was singing and acting for a living, I wasn't doing it whole-heartedly. After acknowledging this fear and accepting that what I thought was not always true, I received grace and blessings in my career and personal life."

Karylle shows renewed confidence in faith and family and talks openly about spirituality and family now. "While I was growing up, these issues were never really discussed with me, and no one tried to address them for me in a way that led to results. Had I discussed them with friends, I would have gotten sympathy and support but no direct action or result," she explains.

"I used to believe and claim that I was OK, but I know that that was just a defense mechanism, a tool to help me survive. Keeping my real feelings bottled up contributed to something big that eventually pulled me down. I have learned to be more honest with myself, allowing myself to feel, acknowledge and deal with feelings as they come," she explains.

There is nothing measured or affected in the way Karylle discloses this very private and significant experience. It is as if she has come to terms with who she is and where she fits in the scheme of things. It's as if she wants to say to whoever is listening that she harbors no serious secret hate. Not anymore.